Goals?

Goals. Goals. Goals.

I'm really not fond of this word right now. I'm supposed to be in an age of life where everything is limitless. Supposedly. I however, have a very limited situation. At least when it comes to physical work. I've been beating myself up a lot lately about not having a job or  a purpose. Not only that but on a daily bases I tell myself I'm not everything I used to be. That I can't be as fulfilled in a job or as good of an employee as I used to be... On top of that... I still have no end in sight in the foot situation.. 

As of this week I've had a taste of walking normal. I get very tired after a short amount of that though and end up on the couch most the day. I think back to a few years ago when I was sooo active and doing so much physically. That had dwindled before my surgeries because of my feet but never to this level. What I would give for a taste of running, dancing, hopping, skipping and standing on my tip toes. 

Wishful thinking. However, when that day comes I will do it a million and ten times until I'm sore, the whole time with a huge smile on my face. 

I've put a lot of thought into working again. I know I know... "why don't you just get a calling center job?" simple... I hate it.. I'm sorry but as much I want to be working I want my work to be satisfying on SOME level.. Call center jobs don't satisfy me what-so-ever. Plain and simple. It'd be different if on the days I had off I could go and over exert myself in something I LOOVE like hiking,biking,dancing.. That's not the case. I"m not going to put myself in a call center a job again where I perform GREAT but never get noticed... 

I'm motivated, determined  hardworking, personable (most days), loyal, and willing to learn. Every time I come to this question.. "should I get a job?" I always beat myself up.. what about the days that you can barely stand up? what would you tell someone interviewing you? why would they hire me over someone a million more times capable? 

Clayton is amazing when I get down like this.. and just tells me "eventually someone will see the eagerness in your face and the dedication you have." All I usually have to say to that is "I really hope so." I'm still over coming a lot of unfortunate fears I've gained over this past year. I've become timid when I used to be flowing with energy around people. I doubt what I have to say when I used to say whatever I felt like in a situation.

I haven't gotten to a point where I feel like I deserve a job. I have been able to get to a point where I feel like I want it bad enough to go for it. The goal I have at this moment is:

1.  Once i feel like I can ride my bike without fear of breaking the heal bone then I'll start applying.

By applying I mean for ANYTHING around here. There are tons of local businesses and I'm hoping to find just something SMALL a phew shifts a week and small hours. I want something I'll enjoy. We aren't stressed for money right now which I'm very lucky to be in this situation now. We'd like a little money to start saving for christmas and stuff but as of living cost we are okay. I want to be able to test my limits and just get out there to see how "capable" I really am. Instead of just going off my own thoughts... 

That's the goal I have right now..... it's small. but it's something. Please any suggestions or ideas are appreciated. I've come a long way emotionally from where I was a five or 6 months ago. I'm still working every single day on being a brighter happier me. 

Claiming Mrs. Edgerton

Scratch! Lost & Found

What a horrible week we just experienced.

Okay I'll be honest I knew how much I loved my cats.. however, I never really realized how much my heart would ache if I lost one of them... and now I know.

So It all started on Sunday September 30th..

We had NO idea what Turn of events were coming our way that morning. My family was in town and we weren't on our A-Game. I had opened the window at some point on Saturday because doing my hair can get pretty HOT and sweating from humidity. Our two back windows don't have screens on them so we've been trying to be really careful about leaving them open.. For whatever reasons this didn't get closed and we think when Clayton went to the bathroom at 6 A.M. is when she got out...

We woke up in a panic and everyone went straight outside looking for her.. taking the food bag out and shaking it... That first day we had no luck.. we made a few flyers up and put them around near by.. but like I said my family was in town and eventually we gave up the search so that they could still do some things on their trip... Now that I look back I wish I would have just let them go alone and I stay behind and continue to search for her. I'm pretty sure Clayton walked around that night but had no luck....

Monday-Thursday

My family left. We printed off 200 flyers and plastered them around the town.. we searched morning and night that day... keep in mind I had surgery not long before and wasn't in very good shape to help at all.. I still did help WAY more then I should have.. I'm not good at sitting around.. and when my CAT is lost ... forget it!

We posted on craigslist and got some really good advice about putting used socks/litter outside so if they walk near they will catch the scent and know that it's home... we also found online that peeing in a spray bottle and feeling it the rest of the way with water then spraying it around the house and every six feet around the neighborhood can help... it was about Thursday when we did that last one... we were desperate...

All Thursday I personally spent the whole day crying and accepting that she probably wasn't coming home.. This is the day that Clayton is gone from 8 A.M. - 10 P.M. and I just spent the whole day alone accepting she was gone.

Friday

We got an email from our neighbor who said their cat sitter had heard from someone across the street who thought they fed her on Monday night,  but that was the only time he had seen her... We were pretty shocked and excited to just hear that someone may have seen her! I ran back home and instantly grabbed the spray bottle and went out on the hunt... I spent almost 3 hours walking around the other side of the major street we live on... INSANE amount of walking for me.. of course I took medicine before I went out.. I was determined .. I had just spent the whole day before accepting she would never come home. I had no luck.. but I did talk to two other people who said they saw her all in a three block area... HOPE so much HOPE.... Yet my screaming did me NO good. That night our next door neighbors helped us Look for her.. We looked everywhere and continued to call for her... I almost lost my voice among other signs of exhaustion.. Because of all the sightings we really thought she had just crossed that street and maybe she was THAT close!...

Saturday

We had one last sighting.. a guy called said they had a cat in their house begging for food.. but they didn't know it may have been lost, so the let it go back outside. He said he didn't think it looked like our cat but that his girlfriend swore it was her.. So I texted him a few more photos that better showed her and he said "No, It is definitely not your cat..." Our hearts sank.. Thinking that there is probably a Calico long haired cat roaming that side of the neighborhood and that Scratch! most likely wasn't close at all... 

This was Claytons day to morn her and accept the possibility of her never coming home.. So heart breaking all over again for me... We sat around saying all the things we were going to miss about her.. then crying right afterwards.. That night I said to Clayton "Here I'll do something to help us move forward." I walked to the kitchen window.. where she would most likely try to get back in.. and where we had also had the blinds up all week hoping to see her standing on the railing outside that window... I slowly lowered the blinds.. Showing that we were done with the search for her.... 

We balled for a good 15 minutes after that.. 

If you cant tell we had been crying.. Oooh Burgers.. Comfort food.

Sunday

We were both completely worn out.. Clayton hadn't gotten ANYTHING done for school.. and along with that we were so sad.. It was better then the day before but still hadn't worn off.. I looked through my phone photos and saw that I had photos from the day before she jumped out the window... and it made us start crying all over again.. 

We have been so busy and with me being out because of surgery unable to drive not a whole lot had gotten done other then searching for scratch. Not only that Claytons phone decided to crap out on us the day before and he could only get on to see if he had a voicemail. So because we were extremely low on food.. and I mean... so low that I was pretty much starving Thursday and Friday until clayton got home from school and could drive us somewhere. We decide we just needed to make a HUGE Grocery shopping trip.

After that he saw that there was a voicemail on his phone from an hour before.. Saying that they had Scratch!. Oh my goodness OH MY GOODNESS!?? They said that she had her collar and they called the number on it!!! THEY HAD HER! Not that they had just SEEN her, but that they physically had her there waiting for us!!  We were out the door sooo fast.. 

She was 1.5 Miles away from our house in a online Old Anime store warehouse ( here is there sight )!! so odd but so awesome! They think she was there for a couple days before she started meowing because there were paw prints on the sink (so scratch! This also means that if she had continued to travel she would be EVEN farther!). We are forever grateful for these great cat lovers who were willing to feed her and even wipe her down because she was soo dirty! Dang she was so dirty!! 

She was really hungry.. she most likely hadn't been spotted at all around our house... She lost a lot of weight and is very weak.. But boy are we glad to have her home!! as soon as we go into the house she drank water and then started sniffing EVERYTHING and meowing with approval! seconds later she was back to her old self.. She is still having nightmares but she's happy to be home!!! 

WE will love her forever! 

Claiming Mrs. Edgerton

Go Aly!

This is LOOONG over due but still I want to write it.

Some people are probably wondering what made me come out of my box and talk about my learning disability? Well in all honesty I'm not sure I ever would have if it wasn't for my Baby niece on Claytons side, Alexandra.

I guess it's been 2 months already sense my niece ended up in the hospital. She was having seizures and her brain was swelling. They still aren't sure of the cause but she thankfully recovered. She's now doing physical therapy on a regular bases along with other treatments to help her get back on track in the growing process. It was a frightening time for everyone involved and I hope we never have to experience such fear again.

However, even though she is recovering and doing great there is still a fear of brain damage from the swelling. It's possible because she was so young that her brain will just rewire itself and she will not have any problems but it is also possible that once she gets older she'll show signs of a disability...

So this brings us to why I started talking about my disability... Well I actually had a similar experience as a child.. I was much much younger then her though.. Only 6 weeks old.. I had Spinal Meningitis and should have died... However, I did not. YIPPEE  but unfortunately they told my parents the exact same things as Aly's that I may have brain damage but back then I don't believe they used to do MRI's and stuff (still waiting to get information from my parents journals.) This is very possibly the cause of my Learning disability I also had head trauma from a car accident when I was 4 years old. I flew out the window of our rolling van and landed on the freeway (luckily it was 2 am) and also should have died.. Clearly God wants me here for a reason.. Hopefully I realize what the reason is one day..

I know so much about having a disability that I wanted so badly to be able to tell Clayton's brother and our sister in law that I could help... I kept trying briefly in comments on their facebook and blog but it didn't seem to get the right effect... So alas here I am writing it on my blog to everyone I know and to the whole world... It's scary to be so open on here but at the same time is refreshing.. Not only that but I think I have helped them in the only way I know how to.. We are to far away to help in any major way but I really care for them and my baby niece who's almost a year now! I'm so grateful that she survived and if one day she shows signs of a disability She'll have an aunt who knows that journey and hopefully I'll be able to help her. It's a rough thing but it's made me who I am.

I'm not done with my post about learning disabilities. This is only the beginning. All my foot surgery stuff has gotten in the way but I wanted to remind you all that this is still a series I'm writing about and this is why i'm doing it.

As always GO ALY! For my family who wants to know more here is Their blog Cheering Aly on-- http://cheeringforaly.blogspot.com/


As always---    Claiming Mrs. Edgerton