I'm done with it.
All I have to ask is before you say "I wish I had foot surgery so I could have a vacation" please.. Please.. and PLEASE... Think about what it is actually like..
First..
Whats a vacation?
An extended period of recreation, esp. one spent away from home or in traveling.
Lets take that one step further..
Recreation:
Activity done for enjoyment when one is not working.
I read those and I cried.. I hate to sound bitter or mad or like life has done me a wrong. But today.. today I decided I'm taking a day to feel bad for myself.
I don't know about you but what i'm going through sure as hell isn't a vacation.. reasons?
1. I am not spending any time away from my home.
2. I'm not enjoying this..
other things?
1. I can't clean my house.
2. I can't shop.
3.I can barely stand up for 10 min.
4.I can't walk around the block or to the park.
5.I sit on my couch for almost every hour of the day.
6. I go to the doctors nearly once or twice a week sometime 3 times.
7. I get prodded and poked at 5 or 6 times a week.
8. I can't ride a bike.
9. I've watched every TV show I possibly can find. don't believe me? ask? hah...
10. I can't even read books for the most part because lortab makes me forget the page before..
11. Worst of all.. No one knows why i'm not healing.
I could go on trust me. So if by any chance you think that saying you WISH you had this.. please.. think again.. I'm going on 3 months of barely being able to walk.. Today even I reverted back to crutches.. Tell me if you want that? because I'd trade for your job, your broken car, having to ride the bus or bike every day.. even walking to every location I needed to go... I'd take it all. so let me know I'm here for the trading.. but I promise it's no vacation or walk in the park.. I'm sorry if this is harsh or mean.. but I'm tired.. and I'm hurting... and it's hard to get bad news on a weekly or daily basis.. and I wish my friends.. would remember that.. I understand your lives are busy.. But please don't forget me..
I'll act like i'm fine.. and for the most part everyone around me believes it.. but i'm broken inside and out.. don't make me beg to have company.. I'm lonely.. and scared.. so scared...
I'm so sorry, Kristy. It must be so hard to not be able to do what you want to do every day. I really wish we lived close together so I could spend lots of time with you and help you with chores. :( I've had surgery before, I had my appendix out and I had complications with it. It took me the entire summer to heal and I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. It was really horrible. Everyone forgot about me, even Mitch (who I was just trying to get to date me) thought I moved away. :/ It sucked. I know it's only slightly like what you're going through but I sort of know how it feels.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a strong person, I've seen all you've been through with your family and moving across the country. (More than once!) Eventually, this will be just an unpleasent memory. When I went into labor, that day felt like it lasted for lifetimes. It's been 6 months and I feel like it was just a blur! It might not me much consolation now, but soon you'll be able to do all the things you're missing on feet without pain!
I love you lots and lots and really hope you start to heal soon. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I heart you forever!
-Sierra