Beliefs.joy.happiness

So today is glorious Sunday.

I don't talk about Sundays as I should on here or ever actually. Those of you who have known me most of my life know my strong belief in the church. I've always done my best and been the fun loving kind person I hope to always be.

Honestly, admitting that I have been inactive is not something I've been proud of and normally I would not openly address this like I am now in this post. The truth is though I want to over come that. I want you all to know me and who I am. I'm not the type of person to lie about what I'm doing. I believe I've never lied to any of you about my current stand in the church but I will say I probably haven't been completely honest either. so here it is for all your eyes.

I know some of you probably wonder how faithful I am now though. Sense my parents divorce ,and honestly about a year before that, I struggled with going to church. I want you to know though it is NOT because I didn't believe in the church, because I strongly do and always have and always will. However, I had some of the common struggles of a young women growing into womanhood. "who am i?", "why did this happen to me?", "what have I done? and how can I fix these problems?", "why was I meant to know or see that?". These are just few of my personal struggles in the church meetings on Sundays and also in seminary at the time. I"m not saying I had doubts. I guess in a way they were doubts but to me they were a lot different then that.

Threw these years I've been Very active and Very inactive at times, but I've always had Christ and the Lords love with me and I've KNOWN this always. I never how a doubt in my mind that the way my life has ended up is because the Lord wanted me to be here, now, in this time. I'm a strong believer in fate and destiny. I always say "what happens, happens for a reason." I guess I should say that's what my life has taught me. Despite the way I grew up or the way my family ended, without them I would not be the person I am now.

 I've struggled with knowing who to marry. I had terrible awful no good very bad boyfriends before I met Clayton. when I say that I mean from when I was 16 1/2-20. When I lived in Virginia I was an active and full repentant member. I loved my ward out there and the people. I think the beauty of the state itself helped you appreciate the Lord. Once it be became clear that I no longer was supposed to be there and the family I was with needed some time to be their own family without and outsider inside I decided to move back to Utah. Not an easy decision on my part I had made such wonderful friends out there that I hope to always
keep. Although, like I said before this was all meant to happen.

I came back and shortly after (really like the day I came back) I started dating Clayton P. Edgerton. He was kind and sweet and very thoughtful of me and my well being. As a friend he always supported my belief in the church despite the fact he had never been to a church before, and as a boyfriend he kept that up. As we continued dating it became apparent to me that I could see myself marrying and having a family with him. With this I struggled for months and months and months with how to find out the right way. I know most of you reading this know what i mean. How can I Kristy get married in the Temple. We had a huge, i don't want to say argument, but a very emotion discussion about my wanting a Temple marriage, about half way threw our year of dating. It became apparent to me then how much Clayton truly and deeply loved me . I can't tell you the pain and sorrow that filled him  when I first brought this up. He was in tears within seconds because he felt he could never make me happy. I don't know how the conversation ended that day but it will always be with me. I went a few more months debating and praying and searching for what I was to do. One day (i can't remember what I was doing) but I suddenly had a instant feeling that.. IT WILL BE OKAY. A sudden warmth and reassuring that this was my plan now. I have no idea if it was my plan from the beginning or if I strayed off during the years. but now it was my plan and path.

I just want all of you to know my story my love and my well being. If you ever had doubt about my marriage I hope you don't. I could not have found someone as patient and kind and completely and utterly in love with me as Clayton is. He has proved it more and more every day and I just love him more and more. I've been attending my church as often as I can  with the foot surgery. I started with just going to sacrament once i got used to the crutches and the boot and as of this week (sense there are no homecomings sheesh) attended all three meetings.

So here is my message for today. I have no idea why I just ranted on about that but it lifted something off my shoulders. I was originally going to just put a couple quotes that fell out of my scriptures today but this works too. so I'll put the quotes down here. they are amazing.

"One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves. One of our common failings is to depreciate our tremendous worth."

 -L. Tom Perry

It's such a fantastic quote I nearly cried when I read it. I hope you enjoy it also. The meetings today brought new light to my life. I also have another one that was in same spot where this one feel out. It's a glue in from when I was in Early morning seminary and it's one my sister presented to the class. I.t's actually a short poem or part of one. with a scripture underneath

They Might Not Need Me

-Emily Dickinson

They might not need me;

 but they might.

I'll let my head be just in sight;

A smile as small as mine might

be precisely their necessity 

Love always,

Kristy E. E.

C.R.A.Z.Y Days.

Kay as much as I love crazy days. I'm completely worn out right now. I even had a Mountain Dew and I'm completely burnt to the bone.

So pretty much I had to get my car registered for this year. O.O. I still can't believe that it's been a year sense I bought it! This is the first car that I've had to register twice under my name! I've registered 3 cars and every year it's been a new car! hahaha. it's crazy.

So yesterday clayton was like "I want to deal with your car tomorrow" and i was like "YESSSS" right? so we wake up and he starts looking for any coupons for the chevy dealership. We found one that saved us some moneys buuuuuuuut... There were (of course) some things wrong.. so the grand total was 600 dollars give or take. We also just picked it up! it's been there all freaking day garr. BUUUUT it drives so GREAT now i'm very please with the results.



So while we were waiting to hear back from the car guy we were like "well we need toilet paper" okay let me rephrase this calyton said "oh man we are out of toilet paper huh? i need to take a massive dump" that is word for word to let you know. (don't tell him I put that on here). So we decided to go grocery shopping sense we finally have some money too!! so glad. oh my goodness so so so glad. So we did that and we needed a lot so it took a while but on the way we ran across this yard sell and bout Four really NEAT chairs for 20 dollars all together! they need some attention but  it wont be hard! i'm excited for the project! they will look so great once i paint them and such!

Then clayton was like "kristy you need shoes.." He's so sweet worrying about me. and i'm like "well maybe you are right but uuuugh." Like honestly with how much pain a swelling shoe shopping is not on my list of fun things to do. So we did and we found a couple the problem is I just don't want to go buying good shoes that I could ruin. like stretch out on my right foot because of my swelling or the left foot because soon that will be a different shape and it could be bad to ware those in when  i'll be walking different. ugh. Shopping is just stressful period so we are going to ask my doctor and see what he suggests.

We bought these from target for 6 dollars in the meantime..

Now I'm at home finally and icing my ankle sigh. getting surgery really takes away your strength and energy. i'm so worn out. I also totally flaked on a friend today which I hate doing so i feel awful about that. It was just crazy and I didn't even realize i'd flaked until we were looking for shoes and she texted me :[ but she sounds happy about her new house she's renting! so that's awesome! I can't wait to see the stuff inside it!

here are the chairs. yest they need attention! but aren't they cute?

always,

Kristy E. E.


p.s. just broke a glass vase while trying to get the chair picture. ugh today.

Speaks to my soul.

Lisa likes brandy and the way it hits her lips,
She's a rock 'n' roll survivor with pendulum hips,
She's got deep brown eyes,
That've seen it all.

Working at a night club,
That was called The Avenue,
The bar men used to call her, "Little Lisa, Looney Tunes" She went down on almost anyone.

From the hard time living,
'til the Chelsea days,
From when her hair was sweet blonde,
'til the day it turned grey
She said :

[Chorus]
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.
You've got more than money and sense, my friend,
You've got heart and you go in your own way
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.What you don't have now will come back again,
You've got heart and you go in your own way

Some people wear their history,
Like a map on their face,
And Joey was an artist,
Just living out of case.

But his best word was his letters home,
His standard works of fiction about imaginary success,
The chorus girls in neon were his closest things to friends,
But to a writer, the truth is no big deal.

From the hard time living,
Noah And The Whale Life Goes On lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/noah-and-the-whale-life-goes-on-lyrics.html

To the sleepless nights,
And the black and blue body,
From the weekend fights
He'd say

[Chorus]
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.
You've got more than money and sense, my friend,
You've got heart and you go in your own way

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.
What you don't have now will come back again,
You've got heart and you go in your own way

[Bridge]
On my last night on earth,
I won't look to the sky,
Just breathe in the air,
And blink in the light.

On my last night on earth,
I'll pay a high price,
To have no regrets, and be done with my life

[Chorus]
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.
You've got more than money and sense my friend,
You've got heart and you go in your own way

Life of Kristy.

Oh Hi,

I feel as if I'm awful at writing. I know my "situation" with surgery is boring but some people (at least I think) want to know how I am doing.

I've been walking for about a week now and it is SLOWLY getting better. My heart misses the boot because now people just assume i'm "better" and I guilty for walking so slowly across intersections or such. Oh silly me and my guilt! All is good and well though. I start my Babysitting job TOMORROW. WHAT? hah. has NOT hit me yet. I am very excited to have something to do even if it is only 2 hours at a time. I'm getting 10 an hour! so it's so worth it. Also I"m going to be working Four days a week instead of just three! which I'm so happy. I"m just so grateful to have this small job. We need the 80 dollars/or more a week. It  is going to be a tremendous relief for us.

On the HARD times of walking. It really just isn't easy. I know I should be grateful i'm walking but the honest truth is it's still almost just as hard as being on the couch. I can't walk for a long time without my leg giving out and becoming light headed and feeling as if I'm going to pass out. The heat this week has NOT helped.

The other Thing I feel is needed to be addressed sense most people are asking this as of now.

Q.When are you getting your next surgery?
A. I'm not completely sure yet. However, I do know that it wont be ANYTIME soon. reason 1: My foot is in no condition to be supporting my intire wait on crutches yet. It is still very swollen and can only fit in flip flops and loosely tied, 1 size too big, Vans that I own. Also, my muscles on the foot (why it's swelling) are still very stiff and uncomfortable. Reason 2: Sense the insurance has failed me :'( and I have to pay for my second surgery I can put it off a little while even if the doctor gives me the go ahead in another month or so. As of right now we are Shooting for November.

Now that my Foot update is out of the way--on to more interesting things. I have to admit I do miss Facebook sometimes, but for the most part I have been much happier sense I deleted it. I've been getting asked the question:

Q. Why did you delete facebook?
A. Well to be completely and 100% honest it made me DEPRESSED. It's really really really hard to read "who wants to go to sevenpeaks? I just bought my pass and need someone to go with", "I just went hiking. Best time this summer yet!", "LAGOON TODAY!", Etc. When you are laid up on a couch all summer/in no condition to even do any vigorous walking when you can walk, then seeing all these fun filled status' break your heart. I"m not saying that I"m mad at ANYONE for being happy. That just isn't the case. I've had pretty low self-esteem (as most girls do) sense my parents split up and am still over coming that and it's been a real struggle to over come my constant worrying. "did she even have fun here? I'm so freaking boring these days" or "my friends don't want to come over during the summer i'm such a gay and lame person to hang out with". Honestly, To those who I have hung out with sense the wedding, I've worried nearly the entire time if you were having fun or I'd feel so bad afterwards that you seemed bored.

I know I know, This is ALL IN MY HEAD and it makes it worse. I am learning to understand this and overcome it. After two years though, It's really hard to do. As of late I've been working really hard to get over my fears and jump into life again! So one of my first steps was "deleting Facebook." Learning that--yes-- facebook kept me in contact with everyone (even people I probably have never really talked to). But did it really keep me in contact? No. I have always been the type of person who would prefer to meet in person or talk on the phone about life. Not read what everyone else is doing while i'm being a home body. So Facebook had to go. It was just as simple as that.

Sorry that was kind of a REALLY long answer but I think I covered it well. I hope everyone understands that I love them and because I love them I decided that living my life and including people in who I want to be and who I am is why I deleted my facebook. Not because I was sick of everyone, or hated people. Simply because it was holding me back.

I've been doing so well sense. I can't even begin to explain how much better.

• I've done things I've wanted to learn how to do for MONTHS because I wasn't waisting time on facebook. I've read like two books sense i've deleted facebook. 
• I made a cleaning chart that I planned on making before my surgery sense I deleted facebook. 
• I've hung out with Four different people sense I deleted facebook. 
• I've sat at a coffee shop talking to my handsome and loving husband sense I deleted facebook. 

I'm not saying that Facebook ruined my life. I'm just saying that not knowing what everyone is doing every hour of every day is really nice. I focus on other things more. and DO things. and I'm just doing things to help me rebuild my life as a wife and as Kristy. I've also been keeping up on Chair-A-Cise and that has improved my mood so much and me and Clayton have been discussing getting a gym pass so I can do some cardio on a Bike machine. which i'm looking forward too. I've always started waking up Early with Clayton and making him and I breakfast and getting started on the day early like I used to LOVE and now LOVE again.


So this entry has turned into a rant mostly.But I think you'll enjoy it :D.

Always,

Kristy E. E.

Pretty. Okay.

So pretty much I have been able to walk and that means less time on the computer. So sorry my blogs are so few and far apart.

This Thursday I went to the doctors for my 9 week checkup and he said I no longer needed the boot. WOOHOO. Although, It's been rough trying to reteach myself to walk, I am enjoying the comfort of not having to wear the boot. You may wonder why it's hard to walk because that should be a natural thing. It's not anymore though because they changed the complete shape of my foot. so everything rests different. Anywho I'm doing well after three days now I feel a little bit more confident about it.

On more good news I had signed up on some baby sitting/nannying type websites and got tons of requests but but one stuck out to me because I honestly told her I'd have to get foot surgery again and she still responded! She told me her mother had foot surgery and  that she feels so much better sense she got it. Which, made me feel like she would be understanding to my condition. So I had the interview Yesterday and she hired me! She also said that she had someone to cover for the six weeks I'm not able to walk. Which is amazing she really liked me and said that she would love to just stick with me sense my schedule is so open. I also liked her a lot we got along so well and I think that made her like me more and it just made me want to do the job so much. She reminded me of my friend Catherine which makes me smile when I see that kind of spirit in someone. I love Catherine a lot.

So anyway I also have been having some exciting times here! Clayton had some friends stay for the weekend last weekend and we had a blast! we went up to the saltflats and some other fun things! One has been staying with us for the week and it's been a blast! his name is James and he's way cool :]. I enjoy having people be around so much. Oh and I did end up hanging out with Sam when I said I would last entry. It was way fun! we got a book to read "together" and thats been enjoyable the book is really good and we've just been talking about it. which is awesome and it's made us talk more which I like a lot! so if anyone is interested in reading the books we do. we are open to more people interjecting like a book club thing.

So that's my life! it's been going pretty great! I'm trying to reach out more now that I can walk and drive sense the boot is off! I also have only driven twice but I realized why i wasn't allowed to drive. hahah My big toe still is not bending as perfectly without pain yet sooo yeah. :] haha. kay rambling.

Hugs.and.Kisses

Kristy E. E.

Oh hi.

So I know it's been way too long right? well it's a good thing I waited so this post will be more interesting. I think my post are fairly interesting all around anyway. Whateves.

So where should I start? well I'll start by talking about walking. I've been walking for a week and 2 days pretty much and It's become a lot easier! It took a little but I kept at it and it's lessened in swelling and pain each day. In fact yesterday I was able to walk the whole way to Bath&Body Works and back to that car without it even hurting! Then after we got home me and clayton took a walk down the street to the quilting ect. ect. store and I made it down there pretty well too without any pain! I also found out they have a TON of knitting stuff! wohhoo. that makes me happy. However, on the way home the sidewalk is slightly slanted so it was hard walking on that. But I managed.

I don't know if I mentioned in my last post but when we went to the doctors on the 21st of last month that when I come back in three weeks I should bring my other sneaker! so pretty much that means I don't have to wear the boot. All though this causes me a ton of stress it is also very exciting. The stress is just the fact that my foot is healing so well the boot is being taken off earlier then we expected and that means closer to the next surgery. At least that is how it is working in my mind and I have to tell you I'm completely mortified to get the next one done.

You may think "hey at least you know everything this time" but that's not exactly a good thing.  I how hard it is to stay on a couch for six weeks, I know how much pain i'll be in for how much time, I'll know how difficult it is to bend my foot and rebuild my  muscles in my leg. I'm grateful don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be getting these done now while i'm young and that I'll be able to go so many great things I've never had the privileged to do or just to do without pain.

So anyway on to other news. We had our first vegetables of the year! CUCUMBERS. Three of them to be exact it's fun and exciting I know! i love fresh vegies.

also I've been noticing that from doing Chair-a-cise I've lost some weight. (i'm not weighing myself I'm just notcing a difference). It's nice to feel healthier I've been really enjoying the exercise.

And for the last bit of news. I deactivated my Facebook today! I know some of you don't believe it but it's true I"m done with it. and Yes I do have google plus but I'm not really using that either as for there are not many people on there so it's not the same. haha but I thought that the screen when you deactivated it was funny!

Also I think I'll be hanging out with Sam B and Brittany B sometime soon i'm looking forward to that! I hung out with Ausia and Tohm and their new baby Olive last saturday with josh and clayton. Then we played some games it was a really nice evening! This weekend some of claytons friends are going to be chilling here and we might take a small road trip! I'm not sure but I'm really looking forward to having people around the house!

Thats all for my updates :D leave me some comments below please!

Love always,

Kristy E. E.