Learning who we are.
Learning who others are.
Trying to balance our emotions.
Trying to be True to ourselves.
Living and Learning.
That's all. I feel like all of us are tearing through the seams of life lately.. At least those who I interact with. At this age (22 Yr Old) life has changed. People have changed. This stage seems to be so much different... I also thing it lasts a lot longer then anyone wants. Man this battle of we call life. RIGHT? yes.. well this may just be me. Please correct me if you don't fill this way.
I recently realized why things seem so much different then my younger years. I make so many of my own choices now. The world is my Canvas to paint and design. What an amazing thing...... Or I suppose it's supposed to be. I don't know how I feel about it yet. I like it some days but other days I'd love to go back to my teenage years and have my parents force me to do "Family" things instead of going with my friends. Time was so much different. I had a better grasps of my future.. or so I thought. Everyone eggs you on. YOU can be the world. If you DREAM it then it will BE. For now that's not the case. I feel like I've lost my dreams. What are they? What would I like to do with my life and my talents? I honestly do not know... I'm not always sure what my talents are. This isn't new I never have really been able to pin point something as a talent with me... People say I have them so I'll trust that for now.
well why I'm ranting on about this is because of my Stake Conference today at Church. Please if you have some bad feelings towards LDS religion then please don't stop reading here because I mentioned "Church." Hear me out.
I personally am Battling my feelings/beliefs.. Today a woman spoke who recently joined the church 6 months ago. I Listened to her talk and Envied her curiosity.. I wish I had a blank slate for the LDS Church sometimes I wish I could say... I do not know anything about this religion TEACH ME. Unfortunately or Fortunately I was born into a family that was LDS. I'm not able to hear the stories from an Adult perspective and be like "Yes That silly plan you have for death and the after life that is amazing I've never heard that before! that's true." I however am really trying to step back from myself.. and from what I've "grown up" thinking. I'm trying to look at it from a curious perspective.
As I said two weeks ago in my Post about the ward here and such.. If I Mrs. Edgerton am personally going to be religious. I'm going to be LDS. No if's ands or BUTS about that. I'm not leaning either way right now. I'm honestly evaluating my life and doing what I can to make a true and honest choice. I want to know Full heatedly that no matter what I would choose the LDS church. I need to know that.
On to why I'm writing this. Today the first two talks not including the one I already mentioned were just really great... If I had to explain them as a "whole" I'd say it was almost like I was having a conversation with a close friend and just learning more about them. I've never had that feeling before in such a large meeting... It honestly felt so personal and that they really wanted to get their point across. Keep in mind I still am struggling to remember things... My brain hasn't fully got back to where it was before all the Medication i was on. I tried to take notes but I would have missed to much at that moment in time if I took them in to much of depth So i'm just going to try and explain as best as I can but mostly just Give my personal thoughts.
The first talk was a man who started off saying "if you have ever asked the question is my testimony true? or do I even have a testimony?" Woah just getting right into it aren't we? Well It caught my attention because I obviously have been asking that a lot.
He went on to talk about how LDS Religion teaches us to be "true" as individuals and as a whole. He mentioned things (with doctrine to back it up i'm sorry I couldn't catch where it was from) God believes that there is truth in all religion and faiths. So that's the GIST i'm so sorry... I wish I could convey it better.. but my memory just couldn't hold it all.. however i'll give you what I was thinking and my feelings.
My feelings/Thoughts On his talk:
Aren't we all trying to be TRUE? True to ourselves True to others. I know I am... It really hit my core to think about these things. We all want True friends. True bosses. True lives in general. I know I do I know I want to be able to trust people and to be trusted. That's all I ever wanted. I could care less what they believe in what they ate fro breakfast what shoes they wore today.. Just to know you can have a True relationship with someone. That's what matters to me. How you get there.. How you become that person who can be True and Honest and Humble.. That's your choice. I may choose the LDS church. You may Choose Wave Lengths and Happy thoughts. Fine with me. I also ask for respect though.. I give respect and I am willing to talk about why I do or believe certain things. But I do not want to be attacked for feel like I need to "prove" something to someone who clearly doesn't believe what I do. Why should I need to defend myself for My opinions. If I can be True, Loyal, Fun, Loving, Caring, A friend then why does that matter?
The second talk was given by a woman who's husband died last month at scout camp.. Wow Brave... to get up and talk about something that happened so recently and that is such a hard thing to go through. It was so amazing.. I hope I can give it justice. She wasn't old. She has young children. But it was amazing.
I would not even begin to give this justice without having the talk in front of me. The important part about it though was Meekness.
Meekness - Godfearing, Righteous, humble, teachable, and patient under suffering.
My feelings/Thoughts on her talk:
Lets think about that for a minute.. The one that stuck out to me the most was "teachable." All the others I've heard a million and 10 times. but Teachable... now that was something new to think about.. being Meek is to be teachable. huh... well I know there are situations where I really struggle with this..
You can learn so much from people though... what they believe or what you believe should not keep you away from having these experiences in life... Or causing problems in relationships that you want to keep. In a family setting especially. Lets learn to be Meek in every situation. Lets be Teachable. This woman said she had a moment where she felt Guilty because she felt Joy or Happiness on a certain day.. That maybe she didn't love her Husband enough and wasn't morning enough. Then she went on to say that, that wasn't the case. That with Meekness she is able to move forward and I think in a sense be "teachable" she is still able to see the joy in life and the beauty all around her. Even with such a loss.
Lets learn to be more teachable.. I want to at least... Who is with me?
I feel like I"m doing a pretty good job a sole human being. I know I have a lot to work on.. but I'm trying really hard to be True to myself.. and to be Teachable. I have so much I want to learn. I hope I can continue to keep these talks in my mind. I wanted to share how I felt and how I generally feel about "life" and growing with people. I hope you enjoyed
Always,
Mrs. Edgerton
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