I don't talk about Sundays as I should on here or ever actually. Those of you who have known me most of my life know my strong belief in the church. I've always done my best and been the fun loving kind person I hope to always be.
Honestly, admitting that I have been inactive is not something I've been proud of and normally I would not openly address this like I am now in this post. The truth is though I want to over come that. I want you all to know me and who I am. I'm not the type of person to lie about what I'm doing. I believe I've never lied to any of you about my current stand in the church but I will say I probably haven't been completely honest either. so here it is for all your eyes.
I know some of you probably wonder how faithful I am now though. Sense my parents divorce ,and honestly about a year before that, I struggled with going to church. I want you to know though it is NOT because I didn't believe in the church, because I strongly do and always have and always will. However, I had some of the common struggles of a young women growing into womanhood. "who am i?", "why did this happen to me?", "what have I done? and how can I fix these problems?", "why was I meant to know or see that?". These are just few of my personal struggles in the church meetings on Sundays and also in seminary at the time. I"m not saying I had doubts. I guess in a way they were doubts but to me they were a lot different then that.
Threw these years I've been Very active and Very inactive at times, but I've always had Christ and the Lords love with me and I've KNOWN this always. I never how a doubt in my mind that the way my life has ended up is because the Lord wanted me to be here, now, in this time. I'm a strong believer in fate and destiny. I always say "what happens, happens for a reason." I guess I should say that's what my life has taught me. Despite the way I grew up or the way my family ended, without them I would not be the person I am now.
I've struggled with knowing who to marry. I had terrible awful no good very bad boyfriends before I met Clayton. when I say that I mean from when I was 16 1/2-20. When I lived in Virginia I was an active and full repentant member. I loved my ward out there and the people. I think the beauty of the state itself helped you appreciate the Lord. Once it be became clear that I no longer was supposed to be there and the family I was with needed some time to be their own family without and outsider inside I decided to move back to Utah. Not an easy decision on my part I had made such wonderful friends out there that I hope to always
keep. Although, like I said before this was all meant to happen.
I came back and shortly after (really like the day I came back) I started dating Clayton P. Edgerton. He was kind and sweet and very thoughtful of me and my well being. As a friend he always supported my belief in the church despite the fact he had never been to a church before, and as a boyfriend he kept that up. As we continued dating it became apparent to me that I could see myself marrying and having a family with him. With this I struggled for months and months and months with how to find out the right way. I know most of you reading this know what i mean. How can I Kristy get married in the Temple. We had a huge, i don't want to say argument, but a very emotion discussion about my wanting a Temple marriage, about half way threw our year of dating. It became apparent to me then how much Clayton truly and deeply loved me . I can't tell you the pain and sorrow that filled him when I first brought this up. He was in tears within seconds because he felt he could never make me happy. I don't know how the conversation ended that day but it will always be with me. I went a few more months debating and praying and searching for what I was to do. One day (i can't remember what I was doing) but I suddenly had a instant feeling that.. IT WILL BE OKAY. A sudden warmth and reassuring that this was my plan now. I have no idea if it was my plan from the beginning or if I strayed off during the years. but now it was my plan and path.
I just want all of you to know my story my love and my well being. If you ever had doubt about my marriage I hope you don't. I could not have found someone as patient and kind and completely and utterly in love with me as Clayton is. He has proved it more and more every day and I just love him more and more. I've been attending my church as often as I can with the foot surgery. I started with just going to sacrament once i got used to the crutches and the boot and as of this week (sense there are no homecomings sheesh) attended all three meetings.
So here is my message for today. I have no idea why I just ranted on about that but it lifted something off my shoulders. I was originally going to just put a couple quotes that fell out of my scriptures today but this works too. so I'll put the quotes down here. they are amazing.
"One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves. One of our common failings is to depreciate our tremendous worth."
-L. Tom Perry
It's such a fantastic quote I nearly cried when I read it. I hope you enjoy it also. The meetings today brought new light to my life. I also have another one that was in same spot where this one feel out. It's a glue in from when I was in Early morning seminary and it's one my sister presented to the class. I.t's actually a short poem or part of one. with a scripture underneath
They Might Not Need Me
-Emily Dickinson
They might not need me;
but they might.
I'll let my head be just in sight;
A smile as small as mine might
be precisely their necessity
Love always,
Kristy E. E.
Love this! AND you and Clay-clay
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