again tori thank you for the comment. questions are greatly appreciated if anything wasn't understood or even if you just feel like you couldn't "relate" just ask i'm more then willing to share.
So does this mean you don't remember any of your past?
yes sadly it does. I have select memories... but the more I try to think about it the more I realize that those memories I do have are ones that usually come up in meaning full conversations with people.. I'll give you an example.
one memory I have is dancing around a computer chair while playing PetZ with a friend and hoping that our puppies would have babies... this apparently was something we did on a daily bases.. I only have one memory of it.. and it's a memory me and my friend have talked about on countless occasions and giggle about.. however I have no idea when it happened.. how old i was.. or any real details.. what I remember.. is what I've been given back to me through the those conversations with my friend. What she has recalled and told me.
sometimes when I see a photo I'll have an attachment to it.. love, fear, sadness, sometimes even a smell that I can't describe.. but I wont remember why... and this happens very often.. in photos that i've taken in the past year even just one year ago... I wont know where it was.. or when it was.. or what I did around that time.. I'll just look at it and feel something..
HOwever, sometimes someone will bring up a time. Usually my sister and recall something of a certain time in my life.. and it will ping something. This usually only happens to sad memories though.. like things that really really affected me and that I most likely have thought about again and again. However, when my sister recalls it she remembers so much more then I do. I remember one moment that personally struck me. but nothing else.. not what caused that moment nothing just that moment.
does it mean it takes a lot more work to make a memory?
In a sense Yes.. but I can never fully make a memory. My short term memory has been over compensating for my long term memory is what they say. Which means that it works a lot better then normal peoples short term memory and behaves similar to long term memory but can never fully grasps the same as if I had a long term memory. So it will hold as much as it can but in the long run.. things get lost really easy unless I really think about them a lot and on a daily bases. that being said an example would be.
school work Vs. relationships. I lose learning things a lot more then Relationship information because to me relationships are so very important and... if you forget something serious about a person one day they tend to get pretty upset and hurt... and I learned that at a young age so I made it a priority.. and school work unless i'm doing it every day .. i lose it. it's gone out of my memory.. forever. so taking a math test to get back into school I would have literally had to relearn everything because in my brain I never learned it... unlike the things that everyone used for every math class ever and use in a every day basis. if that makes sense?
How does it affect your daily life?
I think I kind of answered this.. but to go into a little more of it.. It's not to bad every day... I have to do things.. I enjoy doing them and I hope to find more things that help.. but I try really hard to continue to read. I couldn't stress how much that helps.. I really focused on that this time around after the lortab time table.. I started picking up a book imidiately after the other and just have read nearly every day. It really helps work my brain to remember.. because you have to remember the stories as you read or you might misss something.
it was really hard at first... i'd have to go back and check things a lot... and even now the books I read the first months after stopping the intake of lortab.. I would like to read again because I've nearly forgotten all of it... which is hard. I can only recall the ending and how I responded to it.. and that's a book a read only three months ago..
but now I can recall a lot more in my daily life. and it's been really amazing.. that's actually why I started writing that post.. originally i just wanted it to be about how having my memory back has given me more confidence this last week then I've had in a whole year.. and how amazing it is to remember something clayton told me yesterday.. something that I personally seeked out and asked him.. before I'd ask him something.. and it's something I really wanted the answer to.. but minutes later i'd forget what he told me. that was really hard... and until this week I didn't notice how much lortab affected me personally because of my disability..
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I really enjoyed answering these questions it helps to explain things when people ask. If something didn't make sense to someone here please please please comment and ask. The whole point to that last post was to help the people close to me learn who I am and why I do the things I do.. to me my learning disability is almost 90% of why I do things... and I feel that to grow as a person I want people to know it about me.. and really know me.
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